A Set Goal

One thing that’s been on my mind for a while is, moving out of my parents house and become more independent. I think this is the only way, and i guess it IS the only way to really see the world and see if i can survive in it. Life is all about surviving.

This task woudl be hard because i am a Hmong girl, and when it comes to being a hmong girl, the only way for you to be able to move out and be on your own is when you go off and get marry. And so, if i do go, i’ll have ot do a lot of convincing for my parents to let me go off on my own. Usually, Hmong elders look at girls, who live on their own as “neeg tsis tsim txiaj!” Meaning, those are not the good girls. As much as i love my parents, i think this is the way for me. It is america and the 21st century. I can’t always be living with my parent until i move out. i would like to explore the world by myself and see the beauty of it too. Although i can do this now, but i don’t feel as if i’m a grown woman. I don’t feel as if i would be able to do anything. Moving out would give me a good perspective of life and maybe more experience to give back in this world.

I seriously need to move out and live on my own. The only thing that’s keeping me back is that i know my family needs me, especially my parents. My brothers, well, they’re getting to the age, but not fast enough for me to feel content. Meaning, i’m not sure if they’ll be okay without me. The youngest one is 15 and the oldest one is 18. But than again, i’ll eventually have to move out some day and be on my own, whether i’m married or not. I need to move away from the nest again. Living with my parents like this makes me feel to dependant on them, and i seriously don’t want to feel like that. i want to be fully independent, although i’m somewhat is, but not to the extent that i want.

I was thinking that maybe i’ll stay until i’m done with college, but that’ll be too long. Who knows when i’ll get the chance and go teach over seas too after i’m done with college. With that being said, i need to start planning now. instead of just thinking that i need to finish school, i need to do other things to reach my goal as well. It’s time to find a job and start saving up again. My account balance is low and i haven’t been working for, well, over a year now. I need to get back into the game! That’s for sure! Aish, two years of school down, and three more to go for my masters!

Anyways, back on topic, should i move out or should i not, that is the question? Knowing that my parents still need me, should i do it? Should i just make up my mind and do as i wish and just move out and be on my own? I know marriage is no where near my list to do, and i’m definately not in a rush to go. Plus, in order for me to go, i need to find HIM, which i haven’t found him yet. *sigh* such hard decisions, but than again, i’ll still be in town, just not under the same roof. I seriously think this would be a good thing for me and for my parents too. They can’t always rely on me, and i can’t always be there for them too. I will eventually go, and i think my time is nearing. I’m 21 and i’ll get older too.

Girls my age are already on their own, living independently or married. From what i see and know, they’re having a taste of life, and i think that’s what i need right now. I need to feel more grown up, and actually my age. I remember back when i was 16 and i had my first job at walgreens, i felt so independent and able to do things on my own. Although i was still living with my parents, but i didnt’ see them much. I did my own things, unlike today where i’m home all the time feeling like a bum. I seriously don’t know how people can live like this!

I guess, i should just say it and do it before the end of the year! i’ve made my decision, before this year ends, i am moving out on my own and living the life independently. Maybe this way, my parents would view me differently and ask for me sometimes, not ALL the times. As much as i love them, i need to go and be on my own. Only when i’m like this, things might be different and probably everyone would be different also. Things need to be changed and maybe me moving out on my own might be the thing. Agh, i think so. Unless someone convinces me not too, which i doubt though.

Aza Txhob Ntshai Laj Siab! you’ll do fine! 😀